


The Ones Left Behind

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bonding, CT-7567 | Rex Needs a Hug, Clone Wars, Episode: s02e03 The Lost Commanders, Episode: s02e09 Stealth Strike, Friendship, Gen, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Male Bonding, Male Friendship, Minor Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27502900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: He sighs loudly, as the Rodian behind the counter drops another beer in front of him. “Hera, I know you mean well, but I’m not in the mood right now,” he mutters, before taking a large swig.“Guess again,” says a low voice behind him, and he tenses slightly.Captain Rex slides smoothly onto the barstool next to him, and Kanan can’t help the shocked look on his face as he waves over the bartender. “I’ll have what he’s having.”---It's Empire Day, and Kanan and Rex both have some old scars to deal with.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus & CT-7567 | Rex, kanan - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	The Ones Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Kanan and Rex's friendship is criminally underrated, I said what I said

Kanan slams his empty drink on the countertop, before clumsily waving at the bartender for another. He’s not drunk, not really–Hera made him promise to stop drinking himself into a stupor back when he first joined the Ghost. But he needs something to take the edge off and dull the ache in his chest that’s been there all day.

Today’s not a good day. It never is, and Hera knows that, so when he said he needed some time to himself, she didn’t push him. He could tell she was worried, but she let him go, squeezing his hand with an expression that said  _ I’m here if you need me _ and an affectionate “Be safe.” Kanan just grimaced, before stalking off the Ghost and heading out in search of whatever dive bar he could find. 

Empire Day is never kind to him. It’s when all the ghosts he keeps locked away break free and bubble to the surface, when he wakes up in a cold sweat with his master’s voice and the sound of blaster fire ringing in his ears. He thought this year would be different. He thought he was past this, and he thought for once being surrounded by family and the base and the Rebellion would make him finally feel safe.

Suddenly, he feels a presence behind him, accompanied by footsteps. He sighs loudly, as the Rodian behind the counter drops another beer in front of him. “Hera, I know you mean well, but I’m not in the mood right now,” he mutters, before taking a large swig.

“Guess again,” says a low voice behind him, and he tenses slightly. 

Captain Rex slides smoothly onto the barstool next to him, and Kanan can’t help the shocked look on his face as he waves over the bartender. “I’ll have what he’s having.”

Kanan sucks in a breath. He’s gotten begrudgingly used to having the clones around, after they fought with them on Seelos and he started thinking that maybe,  _ maybe _ , Rex and the others weren’t the same monsters that had hunted him down for years.

Rex had tried to talk to him a few times, when they first got back to the base, but Kanan had stubbornly ignored him. He wasn’t ready to face whatever dread has been swirling in the pit of his stomach, and instead he hid. Hera gave him shit for it, of course, trying to coax him into talking about his feelings like she always did. He knew she was right, just like she always was, but he didn’t listen, all the same.

And then the stealth mission happened, and he found himself risking his neck to rescue a  _ clone _ of all people. That was when the ice started to crack, when he first dared to hope that he didn’t have to be so afraid of them anymore.

They’re silent for a few minutes. Kanan sips his drink, trying to stubbornly will his body to relax, before he finally sighs again. “What are you doing here?” he finally mutters. “Did Hera send you to make sure I stay out of trouble?” He can’t help the bitter edge that creeps into his voice.

Rex shakes his head, staring at the counter for a moment before he speaks again. “You’re not the only one that hates Empire Day, Kanan.” 

He doesn’t have a response to that. Rex falls silent again, not offering anything more, and Kanan can’t help the way his insides clench. He thinks back to the early days, when the stories started spreading about brain chips and mind control and an entire army of people who couldn’t control themselves, and his hand clenches into a fist on the countertop.

“Where were you?” Kanan asks, his voice coming out in a low whisper. He wants to know and he  _ really _ doesn’t at the same time, but the curiosity is getting the better of him and part of him wonders if the nagging voice in the back of his head will leave him alone once he hears the truth.

Now Rex sighs, taking a swig of his drink before he speaks. There aren’t many people in the bar they’ve chosen, and the ones that are here seem too drunk to really be interested in what they’re talking about. It’s private without being suffocating, and Kanan waits with bated breath.

“We were on a cruiser,” Rex finally says. “Ahsoka and I were in hyperspace, transporting a dangerous criminal back to Coruscant. We were meant to rendezvous with General Skywalker when we got there.” 

Kanan can see the shudder that wracks Rex’s frame. “The order came in halfway through the trip, and all hell broke loose. The whole ship crash-landed by the end.”

That’s a surprise, and Kanan can’t help but raise an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“We were on the bridge. The order came through and… it was like I was watching everything happen in slow motion. I couldn’t control anything–I was trying to fight the programming with everything I had but… the next thing I knew I was pointing a blaster at Ahsoka’s head.”

Kanan stops breathing entirely. His whole body is frozen stiff, and he’s got a vice-like grip on his drink. “You said you removed your chip.” His voice is low and dangerous, but there’s a flicker of fear there too. Part of his brain is instinctively going into panic mode, planning how to get Hera and the kids safely away from the clones. 

But then he sees the tears in Rex’s eyes. “It was like I was outside my body, watching it all happen. I was trying to steer them away, when I could fight the chip for long enough. Ahsoka overpowered us… she was running through the ship, and with the whole company looking for her, she managed to get the drop on me.” He lets out a watery laugh. “She was always good at that.” 

Kanan’s hand is inching towards his saber–an involuntary reaction to the threat. But something stops him; he can hear the raw truth of Rex’s words, and part of him needs to hear how this is going to end. “She stunned me… somehow she knew. She knew exactly what was going on, and the next thing I knew I woke up in the medbay and my mind was clear again.” Now Rex turns to look at him, and there’s nothing but pain and promise in his eyes. “I helped Ahsoka get away. The rest of my brothers were firing on us, but… in the end, I was just so damn grateful that Ahsoka was better than we could have predicted.” 

Kanan relaxes a fraction, taking another swig of his beer to steady his nerves. He hopes Rex can’t see him shaking, but when he looks up again, the aging clone is watching him with a remorseful look. “I’ve never stopped hating myself for that day.”

In spite of himself, Kanan barks out a laugh, but there’s no mirth in it. “That’s something we have in common, at least.”

Rex raises an eyebrow at him, and Kanan sighs. Rex drudged up the past for long enough to be honest with him… he supposes it’s only fair that he does the same.

“We were on Kaller,” Kanan says in a low voice, before downing the rest of his drink in one swig. He waves at the bartender for another, and he sees Rex do the same before his eyes drop back to the countertop. “I was a little over fourteen. We made camp after a battle, and my master and I were sitting by the fire with some of our commanders. It was… peaceful.” He laughs again. “Until it wasn’t.” 

Rex nodded, a grim look on his face. “You don’t have to tell me,” he said. 

But Kanan shakes his head. “Only fair, right? You were honest with me.” Hera  _ has _ been encouraging him to face the elephant in the room head-on, and the liquid courage is definitely helping. “The order came a few minutes later and suddenly everyone was pointing guns at us. We fought off the clones for as long as we could, but eventually it was too much.

“My master told me to run, and I was just a scared  _ kid _ , so… I did. And they shot her in the back.” He lets out a shaky sigh, still staring at the countertop. He can feel the pain and sympathy rolling off of Rex in waves, and he knows if he looks up, he’ll never get this out. “I remember… bits and pieces of the aftermath. I lived on the street for a few weeks and ate out of dumpsters before someone took me in, but they never stopped hunting me. They caught up with me a few times–sometimes I made it all the way to the firing squad before I could get away.”

“I’m sorry, Kanan,” Rex whispers. 

He lets out another sigh. It feels… good, in a way, to have it all out in the open like this. Hearing Rex talk about the Purge has put some things in perspective for him, and he finally looks up from the counter. “I’m sorry, too. Can’t have been easy for you, either.” 

Rex’s expression turns grim again, and he lifts his head to glance at him. “The war left scars on all of us. Sometimes I think a part of me died with the Old Republic and never came back.”

Kanan nods. “I had to become someone else. The person I was back then died so that Kanan Jarrus could have a life–as meager as it was. But now… I don’t know. Now I think maybe that person is starting to come back.”

Rex gives him a small smile. “Yeah… Being back in the fight makes me think I can try and make up for the part we clones played in all this.”

They’re silent for a few minutes. Kanan’s deep in thought, because talking to Rex is like holding up a mirror; he can see all of his own messy feelings about the Purge reflected in Rex’s eyes. It’s like an unspoken bond has been forged between them– the ex-Jedi and the ex-clone. Two survivors who are virtually all that’s left of the old galaxy.

Finally, Kanan turns to Rex, holding up his glass. “To the fallen,” he says.

Rex smiles, but there’s sadness in it, too. “To the fallen.” 

And they drink.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on twitter if you wanna keep in touch! @targaryenjedii


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